i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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