shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I am available for nakedness
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
