i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
