so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
