She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
