I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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