I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I hope mine doesn't look like that
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
