If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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