But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
