There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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