I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have so many feelings about this burrito
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize