I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize