I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Drunk is not a location!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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