i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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