i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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