I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
