Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
