Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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