And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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