If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
