so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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