And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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