u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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