i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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