Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
