she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And then my night got REAL pukey
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