Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
where am i from again
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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