I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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