On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
