DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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