Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
