Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
