week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
