did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
