So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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