oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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