Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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