Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
