I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
