nut hugger
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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