I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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