im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Do vagina's smell?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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