We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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