I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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