I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize