Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We left the knife in your bed.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
