do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
