I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize