I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Still dying that you shit outside
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
