somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
