Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
