You don't have asthma, your pregnant
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i think my mom watched the whole time
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
