i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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