he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
