If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
