just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
