bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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