I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
