I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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