yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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