She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
