just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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